-_____-

I HATE B'S! I hate them and I don't like getting 86's on Calculus midterms when I thought I got at least a 95%! Paying $20,000 a year for B's is not what I'm here for. FUUUCCKKK. fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

Anyway. I am currently crushin' on this asian:



She sounds like a hip, less depressive Bjork, don't you think?

To Ryan

Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Midterms took control of my life. I think I'm going to switch to a humanities major and go Pre-med. That will make me the happiest. ANYWAY.

Yes, that is Ivan's star thing. I read it every time I get homesick which is basically every night.

Loans and work, Ryan. Loans and work.

I just drank Boba so I'm wired and I have 9:00 am class tomorrow. Awesome.

I went to the Getty this weekend with some of my floormates. It's this museum on top of a mountain that Brandon bugged me about going to:

This is Denny Phane. Probably best guy friend here.

Fountain!

This is Yoshimi. She's Alyssa sized. haha. I guess 4'10" girls are badass. =]



Most of our floor.

Bernini exhibit and fashionable boys at the museum. Perfect band pic, eh? Ha.



A little fun. heh.



Denny, Roomie (Amy), RA Nick, Yoshi waiting for the tram to go back down.

Epitome of awesome:

My Chem Professor, Dr. Scerri, versus Preacher on campus.

Professor vs Preacher argument


"I teach logic, muthafucka."

____

And so the process starts.

Things on the homesickness front are numbing now. I guess I've been able to encase the heightened sense of emptiness better. However every time I let my guard down, it just hit me stronger by tenfold. Then again, my stuffy sinuses might have something to do with the numbing feeling too.

Talked to Sam for a while last night. I just might borrow a few pages from her epiphany.
Our challenge to pinpoint three pretty gay girls within the next two months is an epic win for me. I totally have an advantage at UCLA. Last week was National Coming Out week and gays were everywhere! It was great.

One class today! Woo!

OH. One more thing.

Denny (I keep thinking he's my brother...they think exactly the same way), Joel and I went to watch Quarantine last night. Good movie btw. Naturally I started to cuddle up next to Denny cause scary movies tend to do that to me, but then Joel took my arm and started hugging it. I didn't mind then something awkward happened. I had a jacket on so the sleeves were pulled over my hands. Joel, with a motion something resembling the peeling of a banana, pulled my fingers out. Then, he put my hand on his face and started to nuzzle it. SO AWKWARD. I was like, "....Really?" It got to the point where I held his hand. I didn't want to pull away...everything was way awkward as it was.

UGH.

____

If Florida and California were two cups with water, Florida would be half-full and California would be half-empty.

I left too much in Pembroke Pines. It's like my heart refused to board the plane with me to California. No joke. I feel just slightly out of place. Like I'm floating an inch away from my body every time I meet someone new. I don't really care for them as much as I should try to. I should give them a chance, but...meh. Major meh-ness.

This guy, Kirshna, passed away this past weekend. I only talked to him a couple times, but he came off as a genuinely nice person. Apparently his whole family including himself was shot by his dad. The dad shot himself afterward. Fucked up, no? Eh. Just made me miss home more.


I hoard fruits from the dining hall!

Just that one little thing.

I gots myself some hope.
It made me so happy, I didn't even realize.
I haven't felt like myself for days.

wweeehh.

I think I need to stop bawling every time I watch one of Flanagan's videos. I can't help myself though. I miss it so much. I miss everyone there so much. I don't think winter break can come soon enough.

AH.

I want to march this summer!!!!!

Coodles in the Kitchen.

So I lied. This isn't a post about the campus. It's getting late and I wanted to jot down a few thoughts before I go read, sleep, and finish writing a letter. Yes, in that order.

I told Joel today that I liked girls. Dialogue:
Me "Do you like me Joel?"
Joel "Do I like you? I would have to say, 'Yes.'"
Me " Then I would have to say that I don't like guys."
As I watch the world shatter in his eyes, he says "....Well, at least you're honest."

And that was that. He hasn't texted me since. I hate breaking this kid's heart. I hate it. I feel like scum. Ugh.

Denied to give blood today. God, that vexes the shit out of me. I feel like my body is failing me and that just makes me even more annoyed. Having an inferiority complex about those things doesn't help me one bit.

Went to a rugby meeting. I'm so excited to play!!!!!!!!!!!

Hung out with Josh today. Did I mention he's British and has a beautiful accent? Ha. He's awesome. So I decided to take him to my floor to meet my floormates and roommates and, of course, he's an instant hit. I flirted with David, a Cross Country pretty-boy, a lot. Bad choice on my part. I walked with Josh back to his dorm hall and he stopped me and asked me if any of my floormates knew if I were gay. I said "No, only my roommates and Denny know." He said, "Yeah, I figured by the way you were acting. You obviously want to hide something." The boy was right on. I just wanted everyone to like me before I blew up the G bomb in front of them. That makes me seem sketch. I'm scared. I'm a coward. I don't know how to deal.

He then gave me a hug and said, "You're not supposed to be the fucked up one, okay? Leave that to me."

Anyway. Goodnight. You can take this post however you want it.