UCLA Tradition

Since this is a little too scandalous to put onto facebook....


Every Wednesday night of finals week, this happens:













Hahaha. It felt like the summer again. Ha.

Yo sup. I have a final tomorrow. hah

What I miss the most right now:

Thanksgivin'

I love San Francisco because random scene-indie-hippie breed of kids stand in front of the BART station preaching Scientology to the beat of this.

Oh, and Evangelistic Christians battling Pimp Chacootwee and Hippie at Westfield brings me to a fit of giggles: Hippie.

"Jesus loves you but hates EFFEMINATE REVILERS!"

"Don't worry, purty lady, I'm just being facetious."
<3<3<3
I remember going to San Francisco's Chinatown in 2000 and thinking it was so dirty and cramped. I came back this time and I loved it! Boba and dim sum everywhere! Yesssss.

UC Berkeley=Indie/Hippie-ville. UCLA=Trendy/Surfer city. That is all.

I had Thanksgiving at this guy's Steven's house. He made the best yams and brown sugar+walnuts dish and TURKEY. The turkey was so moist and delish. Rachel and I cooked corn pudding and green bean casserole. Definitely pulled its weight. Heh.

Steven's totally a hippie in the making. Organic everything, water from the tap outside, compost pile outside, bags and bags of beans, pothead. He probably sells weed too. There's no way he can afford a house without some extra form of income! His family also came from Missouri so we had a nice little 12 person dinner with his sister, Mary-Allen (I don't know why I like this name so much...It's so.....white. LOL.) and brother, Jeff, who was vverrryy attractive....even for me! We played mafia and card games afterwards. It was a good substitue for home.

FIN.

really?

I haven't been this insecure and this unsettled since freshman year...in high school. I haven't been this lonely and bored with life until I got here. I liked being in my little niche back home. I'll admit I was complacent, but I still had perspective. I don't know where I'm going with this. I just want it to be Christmas.

I'll be the bigger person, it's okay, you don't have to.

HEY!

I watched Twilight tonight. Don't attack me, but I liked it. I was staring at Kristen Stewart the whole time...STOCK.

Kim is cute. I like her sense of style. I laugh the most with Paloma, Brittany, and Kim. They're indie lovers. It's...home. Heh.

What happened to the stereotype that only lesbians wore flannel? It's like a rite of passage. A rite of passage I have yet to experience. BUT SOON! Hey, Kristen Stewart wears flannel, does that mean something? Ugh. I'm ridiculous.

"Steve, you look like the one on the bottom in that cowboy movie....?!"

Meiko.

Go to 1:32. The chinese dude is my freakin' uncle. HA.



I get a Rachael Yamagata vibe from her. I love it. Plus she's pretty.






I've always ignored the fact that I do that. There is no way italy ever cared about me as much as I cared for her.

I'm too stubborn to change.

___

Boys smell stupid. They try and put on cologne but it doesn't mesh with their deodorant which already smells shitty so its just a whole mess of too much testosterone. -_-

Going up to Nor Cal for Thanksgiving. That should be fun =].

listen

I'm going to own you!!!

FUCK SHIT.

This movie makes me feel like a kitten rolling in a quaintly embroidered, soft wool blanket.

.......I just want to shower with a window so I can feel a breeze!!!!!!!

<(^-^<) (>^-^)>

The Twilight Premiere was at Westwood right by UCLA. Some of my friends and I were walking back from Best Buy when we passed by.

Kristen Stewart is beaaaautiful. It's ridic how perfect she is to me. Random. Anyway. I'm probably going to watch Twilight just because of her.

......haha gaaaay.

I've been giving myself pep talks for this precise moment. I think I'm ready. Maybe. I definitely want to be ready. Pfffffffffffft.

___

Santa Monica's sunset is fuckin' beautiful. It made me so damn giddy.
Good times.

We ran into a Vote No on Prop. 8 rally. So many gay people. So much happy.
I really really want to go to Pride in the Spring.

This lady in Micheal's told Jeff and I to "Shut up" because we were singing Tong Hua. Probably because we were singing in Chinese. Yo, really?

I guess its retaliation for when the people at the Chinese store called Jaynee and her Dad white bitches.

Math midterm tomorrow. o_O

MELODICAS!!!!!!!!!

____

I really hate dorms. I can't make it feel like home here, it's impossible. Every time I walk in my room it's cold and damp. Someone's always here. My window faces a walkway and more dorms. Joy.

I need a comfy couch to lay on and to watch tv. I want to be able to stumble through the apartment to get some OJ when I'm thirsty at the middle of night. Such trivial things to want. But! I need them!

yeah, yeah.

Yo. Florida, Arizona AND California?
I was upset by the fact that Florida passed amendment two, but I wasn't quite as surprised by that as I was when it was announced in California. San Francisco is here for godsake. ......Oh, the irony.
People rushed to get married before Tuesday's vote. Rushed to get married. Nobody should have to do that. Fuck that. Same-sex marriages threaten family values my ass. I'll freaking show you how to have "traditional" family.

Well, at least the pro-lifers didn't win.

It's getting colder here. I need someone to keep me warm.
Night.

I miss Ivan, Joni, AND GIO BASTANTE.

-_____-

I HATE B'S! I hate them and I don't like getting 86's on Calculus midterms when I thought I got at least a 95%! Paying $20,000 a year for B's is not what I'm here for. FUUUCCKKK. fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

Anyway. I am currently crushin' on this asian:



She sounds like a hip, less depressive Bjork, don't you think?

To Ryan

Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Midterms took control of my life. I think I'm going to switch to a humanities major and go Pre-med. That will make me the happiest. ANYWAY.

Yes, that is Ivan's star thing. I read it every time I get homesick which is basically every night.

Loans and work, Ryan. Loans and work.

I just drank Boba so I'm wired and I have 9:00 am class tomorrow. Awesome.

I went to the Getty this weekend with some of my floormates. It's this museum on top of a mountain that Brandon bugged me about going to:

This is Denny Phane. Probably best guy friend here.

Fountain!

This is Yoshimi. She's Alyssa sized. haha. I guess 4'10" girls are badass. =]



Most of our floor.

Bernini exhibit and fashionable boys at the museum. Perfect band pic, eh? Ha.



A little fun. heh.



Denny, Roomie (Amy), RA Nick, Yoshi waiting for the tram to go back down.

Epitome of awesome:

My Chem Professor, Dr. Scerri, versus Preacher on campus.

Professor vs Preacher argument


"I teach logic, muthafucka."

____

And so the process starts.

Things on the homesickness front are numbing now. I guess I've been able to encase the heightened sense of emptiness better. However every time I let my guard down, it just hit me stronger by tenfold. Then again, my stuffy sinuses might have something to do with the numbing feeling too.

Talked to Sam for a while last night. I just might borrow a few pages from her epiphany.
Our challenge to pinpoint three pretty gay girls within the next two months is an epic win for me. I totally have an advantage at UCLA. Last week was National Coming Out week and gays were everywhere! It was great.

One class today! Woo!

OH. One more thing.

Denny (I keep thinking he's my brother...they think exactly the same way), Joel and I went to watch Quarantine last night. Good movie btw. Naturally I started to cuddle up next to Denny cause scary movies tend to do that to me, but then Joel took my arm and started hugging it. I didn't mind then something awkward happened. I had a jacket on so the sleeves were pulled over my hands. Joel, with a motion something resembling the peeling of a banana, pulled my fingers out. Then, he put my hand on his face and started to nuzzle it. SO AWKWARD. I was like, "....Really?" It got to the point where I held his hand. I didn't want to pull away...everything was way awkward as it was.

UGH.

____

If Florida and California were two cups with water, Florida would be half-full and California would be half-empty.

I left too much in Pembroke Pines. It's like my heart refused to board the plane with me to California. No joke. I feel just slightly out of place. Like I'm floating an inch away from my body every time I meet someone new. I don't really care for them as much as I should try to. I should give them a chance, but...meh. Major meh-ness.

This guy, Kirshna, passed away this past weekend. I only talked to him a couple times, but he came off as a genuinely nice person. Apparently his whole family including himself was shot by his dad. The dad shot himself afterward. Fucked up, no? Eh. Just made me miss home more.


I hoard fruits from the dining hall!

Just that one little thing.

I gots myself some hope.
It made me so happy, I didn't even realize.
I haven't felt like myself for days.

wweeehh.

I think I need to stop bawling every time I watch one of Flanagan's videos. I can't help myself though. I miss it so much. I miss everyone there so much. I don't think winter break can come soon enough.

AH.

I want to march this summer!!!!!

Coodles in the Kitchen.

So I lied. This isn't a post about the campus. It's getting late and I wanted to jot down a few thoughts before I go read, sleep, and finish writing a letter. Yes, in that order.

I told Joel today that I liked girls. Dialogue:
Me "Do you like me Joel?"
Joel "Do I like you? I would have to say, 'Yes.'"
Me " Then I would have to say that I don't like guys."
As I watch the world shatter in his eyes, he says "....Well, at least you're honest."

And that was that. He hasn't texted me since. I hate breaking this kid's heart. I hate it. I feel like scum. Ugh.

Denied to give blood today. God, that vexes the shit out of me. I feel like my body is failing me and that just makes me even more annoyed. Having an inferiority complex about those things doesn't help me one bit.

Went to a rugby meeting. I'm so excited to play!!!!!!!!!!!

Hung out with Josh today. Did I mention he's British and has a beautiful accent? Ha. He's awesome. So I decided to take him to my floor to meet my floormates and roommates and, of course, he's an instant hit. I flirted with David, a Cross Country pretty-boy, a lot. Bad choice on my part. I walked with Josh back to his dorm hall and he stopped me and asked me if any of my floormates knew if I were gay. I said "No, only my roommates and Denny know." He said, "Yeah, I figured by the way you were acting. You obviously want to hide something." The boy was right on. I just wanted everyone to like me before I blew up the G bomb in front of them. That makes me seem sketch. I'm scared. I'm a coward. I don't know how to deal.

He then gave me a hug and said, "You're not supposed to be the fucked up one, okay? Leave that to me."

Anyway. Goodnight. You can take this post however you want it.

Good Day.

Met this kid Josh in my Math 31B class. Basically Calc BC all over again.
This is all I have to say: He says narly and he finds Powerthirst funny.

MY SOUL MATE.

So we got told off for goofing off in Calc class with our uber, young German professor, Mr. Ashcenbrennersteindorfburgvonlitchenstein by some straight laced kid behind us....It was awesome. By the way, be grateful you have the Hawk because she totally owns this guy.

Anyway back to Josh. He's obscene, goofy, isn't politically correct and gets my lude humor. Yet, the boy is an intellectual, in the most crude of ways.

PERFECT HANG OUT BUDDY.

We hung out with Laura, who shockingly resembles Jaynee and rides horses (go figure), and followed her to sign up for tutoring in Covel. I should give a description of the campus soon. That will probaly be my next blog. I can't quite read her though....Brandon's right. I'm attracted to the whitest of Aryans. -_- heh.

It's getting sweeeet!!!

Joel likes me. UGH. Noooooo! Why must I break that poor boy's heart?!? I just want to stay under my gay rock and be lesbian in private so I won't have to reject him. Suck.

Watch Russell Peters...especially if you are a minority, you'll appreciate him :P.

I like sitting under trees!!

Mm. Fish and Chips

I needed a sabbatical so I took one and went to Santa Monica Pier yesterday via bus. It was foggy. It was cold. It was windy. It was dirty and sketch. It was beautiful. It turns out Third Street Promenade is only five minutes away from the beach. I had to cross this epic bridge to get down to the beach. Right before the bridge there's a monstrous drop off to where the beach was. So AWESOME. Anyway. I walked across this bridge to the pier. It's the pier where Iron Man was filmed and I had never seen a rollercoaster on a pier before so I nearly peed my pants. I walked to the end of the pier and compared to the Dania Beach's pier; this one could've eaten Dania all up. The freezing wind couldn't have been a better way to wake up my....."mojo"...yeah, let's call it that. Ha. That and Radiohead and Rachael Yamagata did well for my soul. I just spent two hours wandering the beach, checking out the bicyclers, joggers, and volleyball players. The way chic houses near the shore served as a plus too. After drifting, I made my way back up the cliff back to civilization and made another visit to Third Street. I just couldn't stay away from all the street performers. Thus, I came across Seis Cuerdas. OMG. I would give my soul to compose and play such great music.....and to be a street performer.
I, then, watched My Best friend's Girl and bought some winter clothes. Made my journey home by taking the 8 bus home to Ackermann Terminal. Hung out with Robin and Rachel while they were drunk...Best time of my life and played MAFIA until four in the morning. Sweet day.


I spent the whole day bonding with Robin today. Pretty cool. I played guitar in the DeNeve Quad on the grass while Robin studied next to me. It was way chill. The day went by fairly quickly since I started my day at two. I, then, went to play Apples to Apples with some peoples and Joel.......It was quite a different time from when I played with Gio, Ivan, Joni, and crew at Courtney's house. I now know why I have such a hard time adjusting here. FREAKING KIDS HAVE NO HUMOR. Irony to them is like fuckin' what, dare I say it, food is to Ethiopian children. I know that was harsh, but I'm trying to prove a point. The kids that I were playing with would never even have thought of such an analogy. UCLA attracts white-bread kids so worried about being politically correct they could never even see the humor in what Jeff and I laugh about every day of our lives. We made a dead baby song for crying out loud! COME ON! How about some pumpernickel kids? or multi-grain? (credit to Miss Seyfi.) One guy, Chris, from New York, was the most arrogant fool there. He was MUN this and MUN that. He apparently knew the whole make-up of Florida, of how Northern and Central Florida are redneckish and how South Florida is 75% Latino. Bro. If you haven't been there, don't assume you know the cultural dynamics of the place even if you know the statistical make-up. Ugh. Then! There was Pat? Btw I hate that name. Chub-chub, who puts engineers on the highest of pedastools, was way too eagar to interject every conversation with some kind of politically witty statement. Whoa, kid, whoa. But, these kids are smart and well-read. I'll give them that. Well-read enough to the point I can see egos subtly batting each other in mid-air. But. What the hell. I could care less about well-read people. How about some heart on this campus, eh? I don't dare generalize these observations to the whole of UCLA. If I did, I would lose all hope. Anyway. I'm here to do well in school. So that's what I'm going to do. Do well. Not well, but beautifully.

There's something great about growing up in the PP and the people I surrounded myself with. Good stuff.

"Suzanne

that santa monica stole your heart.

it means you're adjusting. : )"

Bless this child.

bad night.

Homesickness is the devil.
Well, not really. It was more that I couldn't deal with the fact that I felt so anti-social because I was homesick.
It made me mad. I never thought I would be so emotional about missing my friends.

Joel, this half thai, half white kid, has become my new "buddy". But, I feel like I'm leading him on. I think he takes my affection the wrong way, as so many people have before. Not to mention the fact that I don't like boys.....He's one of those guys that are very nice to girls because that's all he knows how to be. He takes on a persona that doesn't completely mesh with who he is. But, he's nice. He's genuine.

I began to chip away at UCLA. Maybe it was a defense mechanism to justify the way I felt last night. What's wrong with me? I'm here, my dream is achieved, what's wrong?

I can't handle boy-crazy girls. ugh.
SUBSTANCE, PEOPLE, SUBSTANCE!

I'm going on an adventure to the pier today. I'm done with this superficial shit. Peace.

Brandon didn't lie when....

SOME GUY SAID "NARLYY, BRO!!"
I almost died from love right there.

____

Okay. Just went to a Christian dinner thing. Sorta felt awkward. Sorta felt bad. I got a free dinner though!

I won't lie. I almost cried in the middle of the whole thing. Not because "OH MAN! Jesus is so beautiful!" but because it made me sad that these people collectively needed to find beauty and spirituality in life in a small, leather-bound book.

Man, I love life and people and animals and food and just being...I don't need some higher up to tell me that.

Hmmm.

Yo, most of the asian kids I've met here are soooo white-washed. They are so.....boring. I have never been around so many freakin' Asians; it's quite unsettling.

Things I have learned:
1. Weird kids are my home.
2. So are band kids.
3. Music is solace.
4. Never come out to someone you just met.
5. My roommates are cool.
6. Being a one-on-one talker serves as a huge disadvantage in college.
7. Los Angeles is full of tall, model-esque white chicks.
8. Paloma is a cool name.
9. Oh. Gay boys make me happy.
10. Being homesick can suck it.
11. Westwood (downtown-ish place around campus) is beautiful.
12. Small guitar shops are lovely.
13. Walking in the city, listening to my ipod relieves stress.
14. I am suffocated by so many Asians.
15. UCLA is fuckin' gorgeous.
16. I'M JOINING RUGBY!!!!!!! (I haven't really learned that, but whatev.)
17. Paloma is my piercing buddy. (stay tuned for details.)

Goodnight. I'm exhausted. Classes start in two days!

This is Pinkberry aka the Lutz of Los Angeles.
Pinkberry makes me so happy. It's like a little piece of home....except not really.

Yesterday, the people my dad and I were staying with went up to the mountains near Arcadia. Mt. Wilson I think it was called. To say the least, these views were breathtaking. Everything made me soooo happy. There was also an observatory atop Mt. Wilson. We kind of hiked to this observatory and saw this 100-inch telescope. That's not even the coolest part though. On the way back, my dad, unknowingly, dropped his phone. Some guy who I had seen earlier unlocking the room to the galley where the astronomers slept at night, yelled for us and came running to give my dad his phone back. My dad, the undercover social butterfly, struck up a conversation with this guy and the graduate student he was with from Britian. Turns out they were there to study the shapes and formations of stars so that they could tell how planetary systems are born. I couldn't help thinking that if Matt had come to UCLA and flew out with me, he would talk lightyears (haha) a minute and ask so many interesting questions. That just made me smile...and then made me miss home more. Heh. Needless to say I couldn't stop listening to all they had to say.

That's for Matt.

After, we went to 3rd Street which is by Santa Monica pier. This street is like Lincoln Rd. in Miami Beach except way more festive. All these crazy performers and acts were set up along this street and entertaining crowds of people! I felt bad for this little girl who sang Alicia Keyes and obviously was made to work by her dad. That just depressed the life out of me. At the end of the street I came across a booth where a guy was speaking about the evolution and the big bang. This 20-something year old ginger questioned how the Bible could coincide with the scientific theory of the Big Bang, what some uber Christian who called Antony Flew a theist rather than a deist, tried to claim. Really, I was swooning over this intellectual Aussie who argued with the man about a multi-verse theory.




Today was Bruin Bash! Hellogoodbye, Estelle, and The Cool Kids headlined the concert. It was pretty badass. Yeah, nobody cares about them because I met a girl that looked exactly like ALEXA there. I SWEAR ON MY LIFE THEY LOOKED EXACTLY ALIKE. It was ridiculous. They even had the same mark on the right side of their face! I couldn't take my eyes off her......awkward and creepy, but WHAT THE FUCK?! Why does that even happen?!

Cali!

I'm HERE!!!! To be honest, once I got off the plane, I freaked out. So much that I had to distract myself with texting all the way to my dad's friend's house.

The next day I woke up and basically finished all the registration things that I needed to go to the campus for so my dad and I just spent the day meandering around campus. This is what I found aside from the beautiful buildings and ASIANS EVERYWHERE:

THE UCLA MARCHING BAND REHEARSING! AHHH! You don't understand how much I wanted to be rehearsing too! I sang along to their parade
song that Flanagan uses at the Disney parade. AH. I'm so empty without band.

OH! This is my roommate Robin:



She's uber nice and Korean! (You know how much I love Koreans!!) We haven't met our other roommate, Amy, yet, but I hope she's pretty cool too.

Los Angeles is the bastard child of New York and Miami...Its Dr. Suess palm trees and chill vibe mixes with the grittiness of New York to become a place that feels like home.

As my dad and I drove to UCLA, I looked out the window and found a pleasant surprise. That and the cloudless sky made everything look promising.



P.S. I promise I'll make posts more interesting once the jet lag wears off. I already miss you all. SO MUCH.

testing.

I think it's time to move on from Myspace blogs....

So. Here it is. I'm going to document life on this handy computerized diary and to keep in contact with the friends at home when I'm at UCLA.

yyyeaahh.